Ever Shared Good News—Only to Have Someone Immediately Try to Top It? That’s One-Upmanship.
You finally achieve something you’re proud of. You’re excited to share it.
But instead of celebrating with you, they immediately redirect the conversation to themselves.
Maybe you’ve heard:
❌ “Oh, you got a promotion? That’s great, but I was promoted twice in one year!”
❌ “You just bought a new car? Nice! I remember when I got my first luxury vehicle—it was way ahead of its time.”
❌ “You think that’s impressive? Let me tell you about the time I did something even harder.”
❌ “Oh, you’re proud of that? You should have seen what I did back in the day.”
❌ “That’s nothing. I’ve been doing that for years.”
At first, you might assume they’re just excited to share their own experiences.
But over time, you realize this isn’t a conversation—it’s a contest.
That’s one-upmanship—a narcissistic tactic where they constantly try to outshine others, hijacking conversations and making everything about them.
If you’ve ever felt like your successes were always overshadowed by someone who “had to do it bigger and better,” you’ve been targeted by one of the most exhausting superiority tactics in narcissism.
Let’s break down why they do it, how it affects you, and how to shut it down using the IMC Method™.
What Is One-Upmanship? (And Why Narcissists Do It)
One-upmanship is not just sharing similar experiences—it’s an obsessive need to be the best at everything. It’s used to:
✅ Control conversations by making themselves the focus.
✅ Diminish the achievements of others to maintain dominance.
✅ Feed their fragile ego by proving they are superior.
It works because most people don’t expect their success to be challenged. The narcissist exploits this by constantly shifting the spotlight back onto themselves.
🔥 One-upmanship isn’t about celebrating success—it’s about stealing attention. 🔥
How One-Upmanship Works (And Why It’s So Frustrating)
Narcissists use bragging, dismissiveness, and conversational hijacking to dominate discussions.
One-Upmanship in Action: The Narcissist’s Playbook
🔹 Immediately Dismissing Your Achievements – “Oh, that’s cute. I did something way harder.”
🔹 Topping Every Story – They can never let you have the “better” experience.
🔹 Steering Every Conversation Back to Themselves – They can’t stand not being the center of attention.
🔹 Turning Small Wins into a Competition – Even minor accomplishments become something they have to outdo.
🔹 Downplaying Your Success – They act like what you did isn’t impressive at all.
🔹 Using Past Achievements to Undermine You – “Back in my day, I was doing that at an even higher level.”
🚨 Then, the shift happens. 🚨
🔹 You feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.
🔹 You hesitate to share good news because it will just turn into a contest.
🔹 You notice they never truly celebrate other people—they just compete.
🔹 You start avoiding conversations with them because they’re exhausting.
Over time, this makes you:
⚠️ Doubt your own achievements, feeling like they’re never “big enough.”
⚠️ Hold back excitement because you don’t want to be overshadowed.
⚠️ Grow resentful of their constant need to compete.
And THAT is the goal—to make sure you never feel like you’ve “won” at anything.
🔥 One-upmanship isn’t about success—it’s about power. 🔥
How to Respond to One-Upmanship (IMC Method™)
You don’t argue, compete, or try to “win” the conversation. Why? Because one-upmanship only works if you engage in the contest.
Instead, you use the IMC Method™ (Identify, Minimize, Control) to shut down their need for attention, protect your achievements, and redirect the conversation.
1. IDENTIFY: Call Out the Manipulation (Without Engaging in It)
The first step is recognizing when a narcissist is trying to outshine you.
✅ Ask yourself: Do they always have to have a “better” story?
✅ Notice the pattern. Do they ever just celebrate someone else’s success?
✅ Trust your instincts. If you feel overshadowed, that’s not a coincidence.
💡 Example: If they say, “Oh, that’s nothing! I’ve done way bigger things,” instead of competing, respond with:
✔️ “Oh, this isn’t a competition—I’m just excited about my news.”
🔥 Why It Works: You make it clear that their response is unnecessary.
2. MINIMIZE: Stop Giving Them the Reaction They Want
One-upmanship only works if you feed into their need to be superior.
✅ Don’t try to “prove” your achievements are better.
✅ Don’t act impressed by their attempts to outshine you.
✅ Refuse to let them steer the conversation back to themselves.
💡 Example: If they hijack your story with their own, instead of getting frustrated, respond with:
✔️ “That’s cool! Anyway, back to what I was saying…”
🔥 Why It Works: You keep the focus where it belongs—on your own success.
3. CONTROL: Set Boundaries & Shift the Conversation
Narcissists use one-upmanship to make sure you never feel like the “winner”—so you take control by setting limits and redirecting the discussion.
✅ Call it out if they keep doing it.
✅ Make it clear that you’re not interested in comparisons.
✅ Surround yourself with people who celebrate you, not compete with you.
💡 Example: If they constantly try to one-up you, instead of playing along, respond with:
✔️ “I’m not really looking for a comparison—I just wanted to share my good news.”
🔥 Why It Works: You refuse to let them turn everything into a contest.
What Happens When You Stop Playing Their Game?
When you refuse to compete with them, the narcissist loses one of their favorite ways to assert dominance.
They might:
⚠️ Try harder to outshine you, hoping you’ll break.
⚠️ Act dismissive or uninterested in your news.
⚠️ Find someone else to compete with.
🚨 Stay strong. Their reaction is proof that you’re breaking their cycle.
The more you stand firm in your confidence, the less their one-upmanship affects you.
Final Thought: Your Success Isn’t a Competition—It’s Yours
One-upmanship is designed to make you feel like you’ll never be “enough”—but you already are.
✔️ You don’t have to compete to prove your worth.
✔️ You don’t have to let them steal the spotlight.
✔️ You don’t have to downplay your success to protect their ego.
Your achievements matter—whether they acknowledge them or not.
🔹 For full IMC Method™ strategies and free tools, visit our linked blog series. Tired of the Narcissistic Mind Games? Get the Tools to Break Free.