The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Narcissistic Triangulation – Divide, Conquer, and Control
Understanding The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle can help you identify these manipulative tactics.
Ever felt like someone was pitting you against another person—whether it’s a friend, a family member, or even a coworker? Suddenly, you’re questioning relationships, feeling competitive, or wondering if you’re the problem.
🚨 That’s not an accident—it’s triangulation.
Triangulation is one of the narcissist’s most effective control tactics—a psychological chess move designed to:
✅ Turn people against each other.
✅ Keep everyone focused on them.
✅ Maintain power by stirring conflict.
The goal? Control the narrative, control the relationships, and keep you emotionally off balance.
Let’s break down how they do it, why it works, and how you can shut it down using the IMC Method™ (Identify, Minimize, Control).
🔍 How Narcissists Use Triangulation
Narcissists don’t just lie—they strategically manipulate perceptions to create division and control.
Here’s how they do it:
1️⃣ The “Flying Monkey” Strategy
✅ What it is: Recruiting third parties to do their dirty work—spreading rumors, applying pressure, or attacking you on their behalf.
✅ Example: “Sarah told me she thinks you’re being difficult… and I have to agree.”
🚀 How to Shut It Down with the IMC Method™ → Recognize gossip as manipulation. Refuse to engage.
2️⃣ Playing Victim to Gain Sympathy
✅ What it is: Smearing your reputation behind your back to gain support.
✅ Example: “I don’t know what’s wrong with Alex, but they’ve been so cold to me. I just want peace.” (Meanwhile, Alex has set a boundary.)
🚀 How to Shut It Down: Don’t waste energy defending yourself. The truth will reveal itself.
3️⃣ The “Jealousy & Competition” Trap
✅ What it is: Making you feel like you have to fight for their approval.
✅ Example: “I don’t know why you can’t be more like [other person].”
🚀 How to Shut It Down: Refuse to compete. The only person you need approval from is yourself.
4️⃣ Creating False Alliances
✅ What it is: Telling different versions of the truth to different people.
✅ Example: Telling you one thing, telling someone else the opposite, then sitting back and watching the fallout.
🚀 How to Shut It Down: Compare notes with others. Narcissists count on you staying isolated.
5️⃣ Instigating Drama, Then Playing Innocent
✅ What it is: Starting fights and then stepping back as if they had nothing to do with it.
✅ Example: “I never said that! You must have misunderstood.”
🚀 How to Shut It Down: Hold them accountable. If they caused the drama, they don’t get to play the victim.
💡 The IMC Method™: How to Take Back Control from Triangulation
✅ I – IDENTIFY: Recognize when you’re being used as a pawn in their game.
🔹 Are they gossiping?
🔹 Are they trying to make you jealous?
🔹 Are they twisting stories?
💡 Response: “I don’t play games. If you have an issue, let’s discuss it directly.”
🚫 M – MINIMIZE: Cut off their ability to manipulate you.
🔹 Don’t react—they thrive on emotional responses.
🔹 Don’t defend yourself—the people who matter will see the truth.
🔹 Don’t engage in gossip, rumors, or drama.
💡 Response: “I’m not interested in playing sides. Let’s move on.”
🛡️ C – CONTROL: Set hard boundaries and take back your peace.
🔹 Distance yourself from toxic conversations.
🔹 Call them out (if safe to do so).
🔹 Focus on your own emotional well-being.
💡 Response: “If you have something to say about me, say it to me directly.”
🚀 The Moment You Stop Playing, They Lose the Game
✔️ You don’t have to compete.
✔️ You don’t have to prove yourself.
✔️ You don’t have to participate in their chaos.
🔥 You have a choice. You have power. And you can break free.
🔹 Need More Help? Take the Next Step:
🔥 Are you ready to stop the cycle? It starts NOW. 🚀 Tired of the Narcissistic Mind Games? Get the Tools to Break Free.