“He only says he loves me after a fight. Is that real love?”

He only says he loves me after a fight. Is that real love?

The Issue:

You’re not feeling love — you’re feeling relief after emotional chaos.

He goes cold. He explodes. He blames you. He ghosts.

Then — like magic — comes the softness:

“I love you.”

“You mean everything to me.”

“Let’s not fight anymore.”

Flowers. Tears. Sex. Promises. Reset.

But here’s the truth:

This isn’t a declaration of love.

This is a reset button designed to keep you hooked.

It’s not love.

It’s the trauma bond refresh cycle — and it’s deadly to your clarity.

🛠️ IMC Method™ Breakdown

I – Identify

This is manipulative affection — a tactic where “I love you” is used not to connect, but to soothe guilt, regain control, and fog up your instincts.

In healthy relationships, “I love you” is woven into everyday peace.

In toxic ones? It’s emotional Novocain after the punch.

🚨 Red Flag: If love only arrives when you’re breaking, bleeding, or begging — it’s not love. It’s management.

M – Minimize

Stop assigning meaning to the post-fight affection. That’s not connection — that’s conditioning.

Ask yourself:

• Is this “I love you” followed by changed behavior?

• Or is it always followed by the same cycle?

Minimize the mind games by:

• Tracking the pattern (write down each fight → apology → next blowup)

• Creating distance after fights instead of clinging to the relief

• Pausing before accepting the affection — let reality catch up to emotion

✍️ Journal Prompt: “What triggers the ‘I love you’? Is it timed for peace — or control?”

C – Control

Take back your emotional power by choosing clarity over comfort.

Try:

• “I need love that exists outside of arguments — not just after them.”

• “I won’t treat affection like a reward after being hurt.”

• “I’ll wait for consistent safety — not emotional fireworks.”

And if the only time love shows up is after pain? That’s not love.

That’s addiction to the relief of not being hurt anymore — and that’s not the same thing.

💣 Love that only arrives after pain isn’t love. It’s control wrapped in roses.

💬 Final Word:

You’re not crazy for clinging to those three words — you were trained to.

But “I love you” that only shows up after harm is not a lifeline. It’s a leash.

Let go of the comfort trap.

Real love doesn’t hide behind an apology.

It shows up in the quiet, the calm, the boring, and the safe.