“How can he be so charming around others but so cold to me at home?”

How can he be so charming around others but so cold to me at home?

The Issue:

You’re watching him flip personalities like a professional actor.

Charming, charismatic, hilarious in public.

Cold, dismissive, cruel behind closed doors.

You’re left thinking:

• Maybe it’s just me.
• Maybe I’m the trigger.
• Why is he so warm to everyone but me?

STOP RIGHT THERE.

This is narcissistic duality — aka public mask, private monster.

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🛠️ IMC Method™ Breakdown

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✅ 

I – Identify

What you’re seeing is image management vs. intimate reality.

In public, narcissists perform:

• They know how to say the right thing.
• They mirror the crowd.
• They soak in praise, admiration, and attention.
• They craft the illusion of “the good guy.”

But that’s not the real him.

It’s a persona — a front built for reputation, not connection.

At home, the mask drops.

Why? Because you already bought the performance. Now he doesn’t have to act.

🚨 Red Flag: If the only place he’s cold is the one place you’re supposed to feel safe, the problem isn’t you — it’s who he chooses to be when no one’s watching.

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✅ 

M – Minimize

You won’t win by pointing out the split — he’ll deny it, flip it, or gaslight the hell out of you.

Instead, minimize your exposure to the emotional whiplash by:

• Naming it privately: “That’s the performance. This is the reality.”
• Stop chasing the public version. That version was built for everyone but you.
• Document the split: What does he do in public vs. private? You’ll start to see it like a script.

✍️ Journal Prompt: “What does he do for others that he withholds from me? Why does he perform care in public but punish with silence in private?”

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✅ 

C – Control

Rebuild your emotional baseline — outside his performance range.

Try:

• Setting internal boundaries: “Just because he’s charming to them doesn’t mean he’s kind to me.”
• Stop using the public version as proof that you’re the problem. You’re not. The contrast is the evidence.
• Start talking to safe people. If you keep silent to “protect his image,” you’re helping hold up the mask.

💣 If he saves his best behavior for strangers, he’s not a good man — he’s a skilled manipulator.

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💬 Final Word:

His public charm doesn’t cancel out private cruelty.

You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re seeing the mask fall — and it hurts because you believed the performance.

But now?

Now you know what’s real. And you don’t need an audience to choose peace.

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