Ever Had Someone Hold You to a Standard They Won’t Follow Themselves? That’s a Double Standard: Understanding the Impact of Double Standards.
They flirt, lie, break promises, and cross boundaries—but if you do the same?
💥 Suddenly, you’re the villain.
They demand loyalty while being unfaithful.
They expect honesty while constantly deceiving you.
They accuse you of being selfish while taking everything for themselves.
And if you call them out?
💥 “It’s different when I do it.”
Maybe you’ve heard:
❌ “You should trust me, but I don’t trust you.”
❌ “I can have close friends of the opposite sex, but you can’t.”
❌ “I was just joking, but when you do it, it’s disrespectful.”
❌ “I can vent about you, but you talking about me is betrayal.”
❌ “You should forgive me, but I won’t forgive you.”
At first, you try to be understanding.
Recognizing these double standards is the first step to reclaiming your power.
Then, you realize nothing you do is ever “okay” unless it benefits them.
And before you know it, you’re following rules they don’t follow, trying to prove your worth while they enjoy a free pass.
That’s double standards—a narcissistic manipulation tactic where they demand privileges while denying them to you, making sure they stay in control.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to follow a different set of rules while they did whatever they wanted, you’ve been targeted by one of the most hypocritical power plays in narcissism.
Let’s break down why they do it, how it affects you, and how to shut it down using the IMC Method™.
What Are Double Standards? (And Why Narcissists Use Them)
Double standards are not about fairness—they’re about control. They’re used to:
✅ Ensure they always have the upper hand.
✅ Make you feel like you’re never “good enough.”
✅ Justify their bad behavior while punishing you for the same.
It works because most people believe relationships should be built on mutual respect. The narcissist exploits this by twisting expectations so they always come out on top.
🔥 Double standards aren’t about fairness—they’re about power. 🔥
How Double Standards Work (And Why They’re So Damaging)
Narcissists use hypocrisy, shifting goalposts, and selective outrage to make sure you’re always wrong—and they’re always right.
Double Standards in Action: The Narcissist’s Playbook
🔹 They Can Lie, You Must Be Honest – If they get caught lying, they excuse it. If you tell the slightest untruth, you’re a monster.
🔹 They Can Flirt, You Must Stay Faithful – They cross boundaries, but if you even look at someone else, you’re accused of betrayal.
🔹 They Can Criticize, You Must Stay Silent – They constantly tear you down, but the moment you call them out, you’re “disrespectful.”
🔹 They Can Have Boundaries, You Must Be Flexible – They say no to anything they dislike, but if you set a boundary, you’re “selfish.”
🔹 They Can Break Promises, You Must Be Perfect – If they let you down, it’s “not a big deal.” If you forget something, you’re “unreliable.”
🚨 Then, the shift happens. 🚨
🔹 You start accepting unfair treatment because they make it seem normal.
🔹 You become hyper-vigilant, afraid of doing something “wrong.”
🔹 You constantly justify their behavior, even when it hurts you.
🔹 You lose your sense of fairness, believing you “owe” them more than they owe you.
Over time, this makes you:
⚠️ More tolerant of mistreatment.
⚠️ More afraid of standing up for yourself.
⚠️ Easier to manipulate, since they’ve convinced you to follow rules they ignore.
And THAT is the goal—to keep you following their script while they live however they want.
🔥 Double standards aren’t just unfair—they’re abusive. 🔥
How to Respond to Double Standards (IMC Method™)
You don’t justify their hypocrisy, apologize for things they get away with, or keep trying to “earn” fairness. Why? Because double standards only work if you accept them.
Instead, you use the IMC Method™ (Identify, Minimize, Control) to call out their hypocrisy, stop playing by their rules, and set firm boundaries.
1. IDENTIFY: Recognize When They’re Changing the Rules to Suit Themselves
The first step is seeing that their expectations are designed to benefit only them.
✅ Ask yourself: Would they accept the same treatment they’re giving me?
✅ Notice the pattern. Do they always shift the rules when it’s convenient?
✅ Trust your instincts. If it feels unfair, that’s because it is.
💡 Example: If they say, “I can have friends of the opposite sex, but you can’t,” instead of arguing, respond with:
✔️ “Fairness goes both ways. If it’s okay for you, it’s okay for me.”
🔥 Why It Works: You hold them to their own standard instead of playing defense.
2. MINIMIZE: Stop Playing by Their One-Sided Rules
Double standards only work if you let them dictate the terms.
✅ Don’t accept a double standard as “just how they are.”
✅ Stop explaining why fairness should apply to both of you.
✅ Refuse to follow rules they ignore.
💡 Example: If they say, “I don’t have to explain myself, but you do,” instead of justifying yourself, respond with:
✔️ “I won’t be held to a different standard than you.”
🔥 Why It Works: You show them that their rules aren’t special.
3. CONTROL: Set Boundaries & Demand Equal Treatment
Narcissists use double standards to make sure they always have power—so you take control by refusing to play along.
✅ Call out hypocrisy directly when it happens.
✅ Refuse to follow any rule they won’t follow themselves.
✅ Be willing to walk away from relationships where fairness doesn’t exist.
💡 Example: If they accuse you of something they do all the time, instead of getting defensive, respond with:
✔️ “I’ll start following that rule when you do.”
🔥 Why It Works: You expose their hypocrisy without letting them twist the conversation.
What Happens When You Stop Playing Their Game?
When you refuse to accept their double standards, the narcissist loses one of their easiest tools of control.
They might:
⚠️ Accuse you of being “difficult” or “disrespectful.”
⚠️ Try to guilt-trip you into following their rules again.
⚠️ Throw a tantrum when they realize they can’t manipulate you anymore.
🚨 Stay strong. Their reaction is proof that they rely on these double standards to stay in control.
The more you demand fairness and refuse to engage, the weaker their manipulation becomes.
Final Thought: Fairness Isn’t Optional—It’s a Requirement
Double standards are designed to make you accept mistreatment—but you don’t have to play along.
✔️ You don’t have to follow rules they refuse to follow.
✔️ You don’t have to tolerate hypocrisy disguised as “different circumstances.”
✔️ You don’t have to justify why you deserve to be treated fairly.
Fairness is non-negotiable. If they can’t handle equality, they don’t deserve access to you.
🔹 For full IMC Method™ strategies and free tools, visit our linked blog series. Tired of the Narcissistic Mind Games? Get the Tools to Break Free.