Ever Had Someone Apologize, But Somehow You End Up Feeling Worse? That’s a Fake Apology: Understanding Fake Apologies.
Recognizing Fake Apologies can be crucial in establishing healthy boundaries.
You finally call them out on their behavior.
You’re expecting accountability, remorse, maybe even change.
Instead, you get:
💥 “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Translation: I’m not sorry for what I did, just sorry you’re upset.)
💥 “I’m sorry, BUT you made me do it.” (Translation: It’s actually your fault.)
💥 “Fine, I said sorry. Can we drop it now? This is just another example of a Fake Apology.” (Translation: I don’t actually care, I just want you to shut up.)
And when you push for a real apology?
💥 They act like YOU’RE the one dragging things out.
Maybe you’ve heard:
❌ “I said I’m sorry, what more do you want?”
❌ “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t pushed me.”
❌ “Ugh, I guess I’m just a horrible person then.”
❌ “You’re too sensitive—I didn’t mean it like that.”
❌ “I already said sorry—why are you still mad?”
At first, you want to believe them.
Then, you realize nothing actually changed.
And before you know it, they’re back to the same behavior, and you’re back to waiting for another meaningless “sorry.”
That’s fake apologizing—a narcissistic manipulation tactic where they pretend to take responsibility while actually shifting blame, avoiding consequences, and gaslighting you into feeling like the problem.
If you’ve ever felt like someone in your life constantly gives apologies that feel hollow, insincere, or manipulative, you’ve been targeted by one of the most emotionally draining power plays in narcissism.
Let’s break down why they do it, how it affects you, and how to shut it down using the IMC Method™.
What Are Fake Apologies? (And Why Narcissists Use Them)
Fake apologies are not about making amends—they’re about maintaining control. They’re used to:
✅ Shut down the conversation without real accountability.
✅ Manipulate you into dropping the issue.
✅ Make you feel unreasonable for wanting a real apology.
It works because most people assume apologies mean change. The narcissist exploits this by offering fake remorse to escape consequences while continuing the same behavior.
🔥 Fake apologies aren’t about fixing things—they’re about avoiding responsibility. 🔥
How Fake Apologies Work (And Why They’re So Toxic)
Narcissists use deflection, guilt-tripping, and blame-shifting to turn apologies into just another manipulation tactic.
Fake Apologies in Action: The Narcissist’s Playbook
🔹 The Blame-Shifting Apology – “I’m sorry, BUT you made me do it.” (Translation: I take no responsibility.)
🔹 The Gaslighting Apology – “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Translation: Your emotions are the problem, not my actions.)
🔹 The Minimizing Apology – “It wasn’t that bad, but fine, I’m sorry.” (Translation: Your feelings don’t matter.)
🔹 The Victimhood Apology – “I guess I’m just a terrible person.” (Translation: Comfort me instead of holding me accountable.)
🔹 The Dismissive Apology – “I already said sorry—why are we still talking about this?” (Translation: I don’t actually care.)
🚨 Then, the shift happens. 🚨
🔹 You start feeling guilty for wanting a real apology.
🔹 You second-guess whether you’re overreacting.
🔹 You let it go—even though nothing was actually resolved.
🔹 You notice a pattern: They apologize just enough to move on, but never enough to change.
Over time, this makes you:
⚠️ More willing to accept bad behavior.
⚠️ Less likely to hold them accountable.
⚠️ Easier to manipulate, since they’ve trained you to accept fake remorse as real change.
And THAT is the goal—to make sure you stay in the cycle of expecting apologies but never getting actual change.
🔥 Fake apologies aren’t remorse—they’re emotional manipulation. 🔥
How to Respond to Fake Apologies (IMC Method™)
You don’t accept their non-apology, explain why it’s wrong, or beg for a better one. Why? Because fake apologies only work if you let them slide.
Instead, you use the IMC Method™ (Identify, Minimize, Control) to see through their game, refuse to engage in their guilt-traps, and demand real accountability.
1. IDENTIFY: Recognize When They’re Avoiding Real Accountability
The first step is realizing that their apology isn’t about fixing things—it’s about manipulating you into moving on.
✅ Ask yourself: Did they take responsibility, or did they shift blame?
✅ Notice the pattern. Do they always say sorry, but never actually change?
✅ Trust your instincts. If it feels hollow, that’s because it is.
💡 Example: If they say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” instead of accepting it, respond with:
✔️ “That’s not an apology. What exactly are you sorry for?”
🔥 Why It Works: You force them to either take real accountability or expose their lack of sincerity.
2. MINIMIZE: Stop Letting Fake Apologies End the Conversation
Fake apologies only work if you drop the issue after they say “sorry.”
✅ Don’t let them use guilt to make you feel unreasonable.
✅ Call out their pattern of non-apologies.
✅ Refuse to move on until they actually address the issue.
💡 Example: If they say, “I already apologized—why are we still talking about this?” instead of backing down, respond with:
✔️ “Because your actions haven’t changed. Saying sorry means nothing if the behavior continues.”
🔥 Why It Works: You make it clear that words without actions don’t count.
3. CONTROL: Set Boundaries & Demand Real Accountability
Narcissists use fake apologies to keep you emotionally trapped—so you take control by making it clear that empty words won’t cut it.
✅ Only accept apologies that come with changed behavior.
✅ Call out insincerity when you see it.
✅ If necessary, remove yourself from the cycle of fake remorse.
💡 Example: If they repeatedly offer empty apologies, instead of engaging, respond with:
✔️ “I don’t accept apologies that don’t come with actual change. When you’re ready to take responsibility, we can talk.”
🔥 Why It Works: You set a boundary that their manipulation won’t work on you.
What Happens When You Stop Playing Their Game?
When you stop accepting fake apologies, the narcissist loses one of their easiest tools of control.
They might:
⚠️ Get angry that you’re not “letting it go.”
⚠️ Act like YOU’RE the one being unreasonable.
⚠️ Double down on victimhood, trying to guilt-trip you into submission.
🚨 Stay strong. Their reaction is proof that they rely on empty words to manipulate you.
The more you hold your ground and refuse to accept anything less than real accountability, the weaker their influence becomes.
Final Thought: You Deserve More Than Empty Words
Fake apologies are designed to make you feel like the problem—but you don’t have to accept them.
✔️ You don’t have to accept “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
✔️ You don’t have to accept blame for their behavior.
✔️ You don’t have to tolerate people who say sorry but never change.
If someone apologizes without accountability, they aren’t sorry—they’re just manipulating you.
🔹 For full IMC Method™ strategies and free tools, visit our linked blog series. Tired of the Narcissistic Mind Games? Get the Tools to Break Free.