Now Reading: The Narcissistic Lawyer: When Justice Becomes Just Us
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The Narcissistic Lawyer: When Justice Becomes Just Us
Order in the Court? Not with a Narcissist in Charge
Lawyers are supposed to be defenders of truth, protectors of rights, and champions of justice.
But some are just predators in pinstripes.
They don’t see clients — they see pawns.
They don’t uphold law — they bend it for praise.
And winning isn’t just a goal — it’s a supply source.
When your lawyer’s ego is bigger than their ethics, you’re not protected. You’re exploited.
📉 THE PROFILE OF A NARCISSISTIC LAWYER
You hire them to help. You think: “Finally, someone who has my back.”
But instead, you get:
- Emails ignored for weeks
- Condescending “legalese” when you ask questions
- Ego-fueled rants in front of the judge
- Or worse — decisions made about your life without your knowledge
Why? Because to a narcissistic lawyer, you are the opening act — their closing argument is the main event.
| Narc Trait | Legal Behavior |
|---|---|
| Grandiosity | “I’ve never lost a case like this.” |
| Gaslighting | “I told you. You just didn’t understand.” |
| Exploitativeness | Overbilling, underperforming, vanishing mid-case |
| Control obsession | Making unilateral decisions without consent |
| Lack of empathy | Dismissing your trauma, stress, or fears |
📎 Real Talk Example:
“I asked my lawyer if we could settle. He scoffed and said, ‘I didn’t go to law school to play nice.’ He wasn’t interested in my outcome — just his win.”
🎯 STEP 1: IDENTIFY
The Red Flags Are in the Fine Print — and the Attitude
Narcissistic lawyers reveal themselves early. If you know what to look for, you’ll know when to walk.
🚩 The “I’m Doing You a Favor” Attitude
If they treat your case like a chore but charge like a celebrity, beware.
🚩 The Mystery Bill
Vague hours. Duplicate line items. Calls billed in 6-minute chunks… for missed calls.
🚩 Stonewalling Communication
You send an urgent email. Two weeks later: “Oh yeah, meant to get back to you.”
🚩 Weaponizing Legalese
Instead of explaining terms, they make you feel dumb for not knowing.
🚩 Courtroom Grandstanding
They’re more focused on looking brilliant than actually winning the case.
📎 Example:
“When I cried in court, my lawyer told me afterward, ‘You embarrassed me in front of the judge.’ No concern for me — just his image.”
🧯 STEP 2: MINIMIZE
This Is Your Case — Not Their Theater
If you’re mid-case with a narcissistic lawyer, it’s not always easy (or cheap) to switch. So here’s how to protect your rights while still involved.
How to Minimize the Damage:
- Document everything. Dates, calls, invoices, comments.
- Confirm all verbal decisions via email. Force a paper trail.
- Record (where legal) or summarize meetings right after.
- Check billing codes and demand explanations for unclear charges.
- Push back on major decisions without your approval.
- Loop in a second opinion — discreetly, if needed.
📎 Example:
“I blind-copied a trusted paralegal friend on every interaction. When the lawyer tried to blame me for a missed filing, I had timestamps showing otherwise.”
🛡️ STEP 3: CONTROL
Your Legal Representation — Your Legal Standards
Even if you’re intimidated, overwhelmed, or just exhausted — remember: a narcissistic lawyer is banking on that. They want you compliant. You need to become contractually clear.
How to Regain Control:
- Switch lawyers if the relationship is toxic. It’s better to restart than stay steamrolled.
- File a bar complaint if ethics are breached. This isn’t “petty” — it’s accountability.
- Hire a legal coach or outside advocate to consult. You’re not alone.
- Rewrite the dynamic. “You are my attorney. That means I approve all filings.”
- Demand clarity on scope of representation. What are they really doing for you?
📎 Example:
“I confronted my lawyer about unexplained charges. When he got defensive, I paused the relationship. Found a new one — with itemized, transparent billing. Game changer.”
⚠️ THE GASLIGHT GRID: COURTROOM EDITION
| Tactic | What They Say | What It Means | What You Say |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dismissal | “I’ve got it handled.” | Stay in your lane. | “That doesn’t answer my question. Clarify.” |
| Deflection | “This is how it works in law.” | Don’t question me. | “Show me where that’s documented.” |
| Control | “I didn’t think you needed to know.” | I made a move without you. | “That’s unacceptable. I make final decisions.” |
⚖️ WHY THEY GET AWAY WITH IT
Because law is often a boys’ club of bluster.
Because intimidation looks like confidence.
Because many clients are too scared to speak up — or don’t realize they can.
But once you see through the performance, you realize the truth:
Their license is not a personality upgrade.
Their suit is not a shield from accountability.
💬 FINAL WORD
You don’t need a hero.
You need an advocate.
And if the person with “Esq.” after their name is more interested in control than compassion?
Fire them.
There are good lawyers out there. They explain. They partner. They listen.
And the narcissistic ones?
They hate when you realize you’re not powerless — you’re the client.
Here’s your Narcissistic Lawyer Action Toolkit™ — official resources to help you file complaints, report misconduct, and reclaim your power in the face of systemic legal industry narcissism.
🛡️ Federal Resources
1.
Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
Purpose: Handles complaints related to deceptive business practices, including those involving legal services.
- File a Complaint: ReportFraud.ftc.gov
- Phone: 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357)
The FTC investigates complaints and can take enforcement actions against companies or individuals that violate consumer protection laws.
🧾 State Resources (Texas)
2.
State Bar of Texas – Office of Chief Disciplinary Counsel
Purpose: Investigates complaints against attorneys licensed in Texas for violations of the Texas Disciplinary Rules of Professional Conduct.
- File a Grievance: Online Submission
- Grievance Form (PDF): Download Form
- Mailing Address: Chief Disciplinary Counsel’s Office P.O. Box 13287 Austin, Texas 78711
- Phone: 1-800-932-1900
The State Bar of Texas reviews grievances to determine if an attorney has violated professional conduct rules and takes appropriate disciplinary action.
🗣️ Phone Call Script to Address Issues
You: “Hello, my name is [Your Name], and I’m calling regarding [specific issue] with Attorney [Attorney’s Full Name]. I’ve previously communicated with [names] on [dates], but the issue remains unresolved.”
Representative: “I’m not aware of this issue.”
You: “I have documented our previous communications and can provide details. I would like to escalate this matter to a supervisor or the appropriate department to seek resolution.”
Pro Tip: Keep detailed records of all interactions, including dates, times, names of representatives, and summaries of conversations. This documentation can be invaluable when filing complaints or seeking resolutions.
